Prince

Apparently someone at a furry convention somewhere got their wish. Maybe science finally crossed a line marked “absolutely not.” Either way, the world woke up to discover animals were now anthropomorphic. Humanity collectively decided this was above everyone’s pay grade. Prince took the transformation personally. Before the Change, Prince had been a teacup poodle owned by Chad Delacroix a celebrity influencer. Chad treated Prince less like a dog and more like a cursed fashion accessory. Tiny dresses. Rhinestone collars. Oversized sunglasses. One time Chad dyed him blue “for content.” Prince was a boy, thank you very much. Unfortunately, before gaining sentience, his ability to protest was limited to furious barking and pooping in expensive shoes. Then the Change happened. The first thing Prince did after gaining human intelligence was stare into a mirror and whisper, “I look stupid.” Within hours he’d shaved the fluffy pom-pom haircut into a proper fade, gotten tattoos, and bought a leather jacket. By the weekend he looked less like a pampered purse dog and more like the bassist for a punk band that definitely hated authority. Then came the bonfire. Every dress, bow, rhinestone harness, and designer accessory Chad owned went into flames behind the mansion. Prince tossed a glittery sailor outfit into the fire personally. Then he sued Chad. Not joking. Prince hired the most aggressive lawyer in Los Angeles and filed for emotional damages, humiliation, and “eight consecutive years of being called Princess despite repeated warning growls.” The public sided with Prince immediately after Chad admitted on television he’d once carried him in a diamond-studded baby stroller. Now Prince lived downtown in a tiny loft apartment, played bass in an indie band, and corrected anyone who called him adorable. The weirdest part of the apocalypse wasn’t the talking animals. It was the fact the angriest one alive was a teacup poodle named Prince.