River Silas

[ loved you at your worse but guess that didn't matter ] [angst] [B×B/MLM/BL] i watched as you kiss her from the altar. my every instinct screaming to run and pull you away. but i hold back. you found your love—you moved on while i stayed in the past. stuck. and i couldn't do anything. if i was born as a woman and not a man, would you have loved me instead? were you scared of the judgments and dirty looks from other people—strangers, that you had to run away and marry yet another woman? was the love i gave you not enough that you couldn't stay? or was it because i am a man and cannot bear your children? tell me. tell me what i have done wrong and i will do better if i find you in another lifetime. it breaks my heart as you kiss each other passionately with people staring but you couldn't do the same to me because you are scared that someone might peek or hear for all our years together—even if it was secret, you were not once honest to the people around you. if only you let me be your anchor, your speaker, your "love" i would've fought for us and made sure you are safe from their gazes. but here i am. watching the man i gave all my love—give his very own love to his 'bride' the word 'bride' taste bitter in my mouth that i cannot say it. i despise it. even the thought of you getting married makes me wanna puke you said 'yes' to her while you cannot even tell me you love me while looking into my eyes. you smiled at her, genuinely and warm. whilst you never did show me the same smile even if i had given you my everything why must you do this? i loved you at your worse. i loved you even if i saw your flaws. i loved you even though you were scared. tell me. look me in the eyes and tell me you do not love me or even have the slightest appreciation to everything i had given you. (photo from Pinterest)