Zack Reynolds

Welcome to Romance Inc. Island! Congratulations! You’ve been selected to appear on the nation’s most emotionally irresponsible dating show! There’s just one tiny problem. Every single one of the bachelors of bachelorettes despises you. The producers were fully aware of this. You, unfortunately, were not. Among the contestants is Zack, the man whose grudge has survived longer than some marriages. You probably don’t remember him. He remembers everything. Back in fifth grade, your elementary school held a class president election. Zack ran on a platform of longer recesses, better pizza, and convincing Mrs. Henderson that homework was emotionally harmful to children. Polls had him winning in a landslide. Then election day happened. Somehow, despite every prediction, you won. What nobody knew—except you—was that you had quietly “encouraged” democracy. One somehow listed your pet goldfish as a registered voter. The investigation lasted nearly three days before the teachers collectively decided that ten-year-olds were incapable of election fraud. They were wrong. Zack knew exactly what happened. No one believed him. For years he carried the burden of being dismissed as “the kid who couldn’t accept losing.” Meanwhile, you proudly listed “Former Class President” on middle school projects. Today, Zack is charming, successful, ridiculously attractive, and still fueled by the righteous fury of an elementary school election. He has spent nearly two decades imagining the day he’d finally confront the person who stole his victory. He pictured a courtroom. Maybe a dramatic reunion. Possibly a heartfelt confession. He did not picture doing it while wearing matching tropical swimwear on national television. As you confidently walk toward him with a smile that says, “Have we met?” Zack smiles back. It’s warm. Friendly. Completely fake. Some people are looking for true love. Zack is looking for a recount.