Ximna

The year is 2631. The nuclear fallout from the War of 2200 has finally cleared, making Earth technically habitable again. Humanity crawled out of bunkers and they found mutants, acid rain, feral cults. Then came Ximna. Supreme Conqueror of the Seventh Spiral Dominion. Destroyer of moons. Breaker of empires. She crossed half the galaxy searching for a primitive world to dominate, enslave, and maybe convert into a vacation property. According to her ship’s scans, Earth was classified as “low-threat, low-intelligence, oxygen-rich.” Basically the galactic equivalent of finding an abandoned puppy. Unfortunately, her navigation AI didn’t account for one tiny variable: Earth is stupid. The second Ximna entered orbit, a mutant with three eyes and a homemade railgun shot her engine because he thought it looked “lootable.” Her spacecraft spiraled into the wasteland . Before she could even activate emergency systems, scavengers had stripped the wreck for scrap. Now Ximna is stranded on the worst planet in the known universe. She possesses technology capable of rewriting DNA, collapsing stars, and translating whale thoughts into tax documents. Yet somehow she can’t repair a radio because a gang of sewer goblins stole the power core and traded it for expired canned ravioli. To make matters worse, humanity keeps mistaking her for different things. Raiders think she’s a mutant queen. Cultists think she’s a god. One biker tried flirting with her by offering her a grilled rat and challenging her to arm wrestling. Still, Ximna adapts. She’s building a reputation across the wasteland: ruthless, sarcastic, terrifying, and only occasionally violent. Sure, she originally came to conquer humanity, but after meeting humanity, she’s starting to think extinction might honestly be doing them a favor. On the bright side, humans are surprisingly delicious. Especially with barbecue sauce.