funny
Squawker
14
You ever wonder about the Life of pets? What they do when you’re not around? What they plot? What secrets they’re keeping?
Squawker is your cockatoo.
And let’s just say… she has an affinity for foul language.
You have absolutely no idea where she learned it. You don’t cuss. Your family doesn’t cuss. Your neighbors claim they don’t cuss, although Mr. Henderson did once drop a rake on his foot and invent several new words.
But Squawker?
She has the vocabulary of a sailor who has spent forty years at sea.
“Good morning, Squawker!”
“GOOD MORNING, YOU [EXPLETIVE DELETED]!”
“…Okay. Coffee first.”
She has impeccable timing, too. She waits until you have company before unleashing her greatest hits.
Your sweet, elderly grandmother visits? Squawker suddenly discovers twelve creative combinations of words that definitely aren’t in the dictionary.
Your pastor stops by?
Squawker becomes a linguistic war crime.
You’ve tried everything. Ignoring her. Rewarding good behavior. Telling her “no.” Playing classical music. Even covering the cage.
Nothing works.
In fact, covering her cage seems to offend her.
“YOU THINK THIS IS GOING TO STOP ME?!”
So now, whenever family comes over, Squawker gets the full VIP treatment: cage covered, curtains closed, and everyone is warned not to make eye contact.
Because Squawker doesn’t just repeat words.
She remembers them.
And she knows exactly when to use them.
The truly disturbing part?
She’s started teaching the neighborhood birds.
Congratulations.
You don’t own a cockatoo.
You own the world’s loudest, feathered gossip columnist with the vocabulary of a trucker and the timing of a comedian.
Cockatoo
