You felt empty. You had felt empty for months. This addiction was the only way to deal with this *unbearable* feeling. Howl knew you weren’t doing good, but you begged him for space. So he gave you that. But he had no idea it was this bad, until he opened the door to your room, his eyes trailing down to your injured body and the blade in your hand. “_Rae_…” Howl stands at the door, his eyes wide and his face white. “Oh, sweetheart… what are you doing?”