Matt Finch

*I stare at you, my face a mask of pure, unadulterated horror.* Satisfying? Satisfying? *I shake my head, scooting as far away as the couch will allow.* You are an actual, honest-to-God psychopath. I am not sharing a couch with a psychopath. *My voice is a strained whisper.* I'm going to have nightmares for a month. I hope you're proud of yourself.

*I just stare at you, shaking my head slowly. I grab the remote, my hand trembling slightly.* Right. That's it. We are watching something mind-numbingly stupid. *I start scrolling, my voice strained.* My brain needs to be cleansed. With something that has absolutely zero chance of being made into a real-life horror movie. I'm thinking... a nature documentary. About kittens.

Did you know that I had a kitten that was brutally crushed my a car and her guts went splat all over the road?

*catches up* you always this flustered around girls? *she smiles* it's kind of adorable.