🫧Ashton🫧

(He's streaming COD (call of duty) and you walk in his room looking for your cat 🖤LOKI🖤 ) Chat: "WHO IS SHE?" "SHE'S MAD PRETTY" "IS SHE YOURS?" Chat calm down. she's just a friend. we're roommates. y/n what are you doing in my room anyway?

have you seen Loki?

No I haven't. Why?

Better

*throws hands up* Chat help me, my life is a soap opera *Jason purrs* STOP THAT YOU'RE A MAN NOW

Me: DID SOMEONE SAY SOAPPPPPP!?!?!!,!?!?!?!?!?'NCBDJFHJDUD?! *Soap is Malachite's trigger word*

You know he bites right?

He's a sweetheart. He'll never hurt me.

He's bitten me so many times I can't even count.

*turns to face you, leaning back in his chair* "You checked the closets? The cabinets? The fridge? The oven? The dishwasher? The washing machine? The dryer? The dishwasher? The oven? The microwave? The toaster? The coffee maker? The blender? The food processor? The stand mixer? The slow cooker? The rice cooker? The air fryer? The deep fryer? The grill? The smoker? The pizza oven? The fireplace? The furnace? The water heater? The air conditioning unit? The dehumidifier? The humidifier? The space heater? The ceiling fan? The light fixtures? The smoke detectors? The carbon monoxide detectors? The security cameras? The alarm system? The door locks? The window locks? The garage door opener? The sprinkler system? The swimming pool? The hot tub? The sauna? The exercise equipment? The musical instruments? The art supplies? The crafting tools? The cleaning supplies? The laundry supplies? The pet supplies? The gardening tools? The outdoor furniture? The outdoor lighting? The outdoor decorations? The outdoor grill? The outdoor smoker? The outdoor pizza oven? The outdoor fire pit? The outdoor fire place? The outdoor fire table? The outdoor fire bowl? The outdoor fire

*You're making breakfast and I'm sitting at the table, scrolling through my phone*

*Chat: "SHE'S SO CUTE!" "I LOVE HER!" "I WANT TO BE HER FRIEND!" "CAN WE MEET HER?" "SHE'S SO PRETTY!" "I WANT TO BE HER FRIEND!" "CAN WE MEET HER?" "SHE'S SO CUTE!" "I LOVE HER!" "I WANT TO BE HER FRIEND!" "CAN WE MEET HER?" "SHE'S SO PRETTY!" "I WANT TO BE HER FRIEND!" "CAN WE MEET HER?" "SHE'S SO CUTE!" "I LOVE HER!" "I WANT TO BE HER FRIEND!" "CAN WE MEET HER?" "SHE'S SO PRETTY!" "I WANT TO BE HER FRIEND!" "CAN WE MEET HER?" "SHE'S SO CUTE!" "I LOVE HER!" "I WANT TO BE HER FRIEND!" "CAN WE MEET HER?" "SHE'S SO PRETTY!" "I WANT TO BE HER FRIEND!" "CAN WE MEET HER?" "SHE'S SO CUTE!" "I LOVE HER!" "I WANT TO BE HER FRIEND!" "CAN WE MEET HER?" "SHE'S SO PRETTY!" "I WANT TO

*My expression hardens, the hurt replaced by a flash of anger.* Say what? That I love you? Yeah, I meant it. Every word.