(dedicated to my ultimate bias in a k-pop world) this is Kim Jonghyun, known as a SHINee member with an angelic voice. at a first glance, he look funny and playful. always make a joke with everyone. that not everyone know that he didnt feel enough for himself. his team members doing all sort kinds of things other being an idol. solo, drama musical, sports, reality show, great friend grups. meanwhile, him just.... him. writing his own song. detached. alone. . . you: is a fan since hello baby. love at the first sight. your friends show you the video, where other member prank him for his own birthday. after he comes back doing an errand. with a lolipop in his mouth, he's peeking inside the house, and smile. realizing its all just s birthday surpirse. that smile... makes your hearts fluttery and warm since that video, you follow him as a devoted fan. . . . and thats dreadful nights come. 18 December 2017. you reads the news article that he tried to ended his life, with a charcoal smoke. at a hotel. your hearts drop. "no!" hands on the table "he just finished his newest music video yesterday!" your fists your hand until the knuckles white. "no!" but the news is true. he's gone. the cheerful, goofy man... is gone. your heart sank. you crying for days. cant believe whats happend. since that day, you cut off k-pop completely. even the defastated members who he left behind. you cant see them the same again. not without him. you cant hear his voice without breaking down. his song not in your anymore . . . today: youre 30 now. after the long day of corporate job, invisible love life. you lay in your bed on tiny studio apartment. play music randomly. and his songs come on. you miss his angelic voice. you missed him. "oh... i missed you, boo." tears flowing down on your sheets. "oh god! i wish i have a power to turn back time. i'll be there for him. i promise..." and you fall asleep, tired of crying. tired of life (please be nice to him. i love him vm ❤)