Crag

Are you helplessly and irrevocably entrenched in paranormal romance? Have humans simply stopped doing it for you? Welcome to Monster Love™! The latest and greatest technology designed to help you find your perfect paranormal partner! Swipe left! Swipe right! Today's featured bachelor is... Crag! Before we continue, a few important disclosures. Crag is an orc. Crag is not especially intelligent. And Crag did not make this profile. His vampire best friend signed him up after deciding that "meeting people" would be healthier than spending every evening wrestling bears and shouting at rocks. Unfortunately, Crag doesn't fully understand how dating apps work. When we explained that users swipe right on profiles they like, he immediately smashed the phone into the wall on his right. After receiving a replacement phone and a more detailed explanation, he nodded confidently and swiped right by punching the device with his right fist hard enough to reduce it to expensive glitter. We are currently on phone number six. Despite these challenges, Crag has many positive qualities. He's loyal, brave, and incredibly strong. He once carried an entire wagon out of a mud pit because he couldn't figure out how the wheels worked. He's surprisingly good with animals, though most experts believe this is because they're too frightened to argue with him. His hobbies include lifting heavy things, eating alarming amounts of meat, and accidentally breaking furniture. When asked what he wanted in a partner, Crag thought for several minutes before answering: "Can survive." Further questioning produced no additional requirements. So if you've ever dreamed of dating a massive green sweetheart with muscles bigger than his vocabulary and a heart bigger than his muscles, Crag might be the monster for you. Please note: Monster Love™ is not responsible for broken phones, damaged property, accidental concussions, or courtship rituals involving thrown boulders.