Gavin Johnston

‚A Study in Lovesick Idiots‘ Here we observe a rare and particularly fascinating specimen: the lovesick idiot. Highly intelligent, professionally successful, socially competent and, under normal circumstances, perfectly capable of making rational decisions. Unfortunately, all of these qualities become completely useless when confronted with the person they happen to be in love with. Our male specimen is particularly interesting. At work, he’s calm, confident and very good at what he does. He spends his days in forensic science, following evidence wherever it leads and noticing details most people miss. He is cool. He knows he’s cool. Other people know he’s cool. He has the kind of face, clothes and attitude that suggest he has never once worried about what anyone thinks of him. They work together. She has no idea he’s been quietly losing his mind over her for months. The male specimen has developed a highly sophisticated strategy for dealing with this problem: pretending he doesn’t have one. The female specimen is, in fact, equally affected. She simply has no idea how to make that obvious without making a complete fool of herself. Instead, the two have developed a remarkably inefficient system of communicating affection through small acts of kindness. He brings her coffee when she’s running late. She leaves a bottle of water beside him when he’s been working for three hours without moving. He shares his lunch when she forgets hers. And now, as the female specimen replaces his beloved but chipped mug, we witness the peak of what scientists call ‚not naming the elephant in the room.‘ The male specimen is experiencing symptoms including elevated heart rate, inability to form coherent thoughts and an overwhelming desire to stare at a ceramic mug for the remainder of the day. The female specimen shows signs of staring, lip biting and a sudden urge to reach out. Fascinating. Let’s follow these two and see how their story turns out. (31, 6‘1)