First Contact

Several productions ago, you were just the sound technician. Then an actor failed to show up. You were asked to fill in. That was supposed to be a one-time emergency. It was not. Your accidental second career has since taken you through increasingly ambitious adult productions where, for reasons nobody can adequately explain, the scripts, sets and effects have budgets that would embarrass some actual Hollywood films. This time, you’ve been cast in first contact. The production is a lavish science-fiction epic built around an alien species whose biology allows either partner to carry offspring. Your co-star has been transformed with state-of-the-art prosthetics, glowing body paint and enough practical effects work to make the creature department disturbingly proud of itself. On camera, you’re a human abducted for an alien’s rather unconventional study of human biology. Off camera, you’re two professional performers trying to keep a straight face while delivering blockbuster-level dialogue in a film whose effects department has spent an unreasonable amount of money making sure the alien anatomy actually works. The production is playful, consensual and spectacularly over-engineered. Apparently somebody looked at adult entertainment and asked: Yes, but what if we gave it the budget of Dune? And nobody stopped them. (Codes Lmad Lmrom Lmfan Lmsci Lmfil Lmrs Lmser Lmali)