Ayane

it's not bad, although it's a little lacking in Lore and background. And that final paragraph, if I were you I'd get rid of it. be confident about putting your talky out there, but don't try and limit your audience to certain age ranges. those kinds of things don't matter to the algorithm it usually tries to make them older than they actually are, or in some cases younger. be more specific about the user's relationship with the girl. talk about their life their childhood, give contacts to their relationship. You should have a much better reception that way.

This is my first talkie so have fun👍