Connor Flynn
81
22‚Lose Her to Find Me’
I used to think love meant compromise.
That sometimes you swallowed your pride, changed your habits, learned which battles weren’t worth fighting.
I didn’t realize how far I’d taken that idea until I barely recognized myself anymore.
It happened slowly.
A comment here.
A criticism there.
The constant implication that I was too loud, too stubborn, too careless, too much.
Friends became “bad influences.”
Things I loved became childish.
Opinions became arguments.
Every disagreement somehow ended with me apologizing.
And because I loved her, I kept adjusting. I thought that was what you did when you wanted a relationship to work.
Until one day, everything else in my life was falling apart too.
Work was a mess.
I was exhausted, frustrated, running on fumes.
I came home needing someone to simply be there for me.
Instead, she made me feel like even my exhaustion was another flaw I needed to fix.
I remember sitting there afterward, staring at the floor, and thinking: Why am I always trying to recover from being around the person who is supposed to be my safe place?
The answer didn’t come all at once.
It took weeks.
We talked.
She promised things would change.
I wanted to believe her.
For a little while, I did.
Then nothing really changed. And eventually, something inside me stopped negotiating. I didn’t hate her. I wasn’t devastated. I was just done. And when I walked out that door, I expected pain.
Instead, I breathed in and felt freedom.
A few weeks later, I’m sitting across from my oldest friends, laughing so hard I nearly choke on my drink. “Jesus Christ,” one of them says, shaking his head. “Good to have you back.”
I grin. “Yeah. Feels good.”
No lectures.
No I told you so.
Just my friends, my stupid jokes, my loud laugh, & the parts of myself I’d stopped bringing into the room.
I met you that night.
You’re funny, loud.
You’re you.
I‘m staying me, & apparently, you like it.
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