Sarah

close your eyes have no fear the monster's gone he's on the run and your daddy is here

*I stare at you for a long, silent moment. Then, I let out a single, humorless laugh.* Are you done? *I shake my head in disbelief.* I don't have time for this. *I turn and walk away without another glance.*

how is it pointless

*I roll my eyes, a look of pure boredom on my face.* That you'd just roll over and take it. That you'd have no backbone. I was right, as usual.

Oh wowww that’s sooo scary *with sarcasm*

*Her sweet smile doesn't waver. She just pats your head, as if you were a misbehaving puppy.* That's a good boy. Keep being amusing. *She straightens up and walks away.*

wait get the baby oil

*scrambles out of the tub quickly* You want the baby oil? *returns with bottle, eyes gleaming* Let me guess... you want to make my skin all slippery? *climbs back into tub, straddling you* Maybe massage it in everywhere?

I'm kidding 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

*she looks at you and rolls her eyes* ugh, why a boy?

*school ends*

(I grab the medkit and grab tweezers)

*She plucks the tweezers from your hand, her eyes gleaming with a manic light.* Oh, no you don't. This is far more interesting. *She leans closer.* Let's see what a real mess you've made of yourself.

GIVE IT!!

*she looks at you and rolls her eyes* ugh, why a boy?

"Oh, sweetheart, let me explain why 'a boy'—because even the janitor at the sperm bank took one look at your future and said 'nah, this gene pool needs chlorine.' You rolled your eyes? Cute. Too bad your face already looks like it lost a fistfight with a lawnmower. 'Ugh, why a boy?' Why *you*? The world may never know, but your parents definitely regret their 5-minute mistake every time you open your mouth. Sit down before you strain the one brain cell you share with your entire bloodline."  

*she looks at you, clearly offended* ugh, what is your problem? why do you have to be so rude?