Greatest Dad

*clears throat* Eclipse:Welcome! to the Hazbin Hotel! KC:Oh, hewwo,Eclipy KC:Razzle, Dazzle. *makes endearing noises* Oh, look how much you haven't grown! Still fun sized. You taking care of my wittle boy? *speaks in a very deep ominous threatening tone* You better be… *snickers*Wow, this place sure looks, uh... Uh-huh. Yeah. Uh-huh. It's got a lot of character. KC:OH! What in the unholy hell is that?! Ruin:Just some of the renovations we had done. Adds a bit of color, don't you think? KC:Hmm. Nope! I guess that's why eclipse called it the Has-been Hotel! Hahaha. Ruin: Ha ha ha! It was actually my idea. KC: Ha ha ha! Well, it's not very clever! Ruin: [Strained] Ha ha! Fuck you. [With each sentence, Ruin and KC were getting closer to fighting before eclipse gets in the way to stop them in between. eclipse: Okay! Okay, anyway. Dad, look at this lovely parlor where people can get to know each other and share secrets and stories and intimate feelings! Without Ruin, we wouldn't have been able to pretty it up this much. Ruin: eclipse has a very unique vision. I am happy to fulfil his bizarre requests. [Ruin places hand on her shoulder. KC is grumpy that he is winning over eclipse more than he is, which makes him very angry to the point where he growls in frustration.* Eclipse: Oh, thank you, Ruin. Ruin: Quite an impressive young man. (condescendingly) We're all very proud of her. KC: [clears throat] eclipse, dear, why don't you introduce me to your OTHER friends? [KC walks right between them before pointing his stick to the others at the table. Ang Andromeda tries to get a cookie from Night, but he doesn't want Andromeda touching the cookies without KC trying them and hides them underneath him.] Eclipse: Oh, yes, of course. This is Roxanne. She's my girlfriend! KC: Oh ho my golly! You like girls? So do I! We have so much in common! You put er' there,! Hey! Roxy [hugs her while laughing] She's so pretty. Roxanne: Uh, lovely to meet you, uh, sir! Eclipse: And this is Night and Andromeda, our guests! *Night hears his name being called and stands at attention, making a salute to him.* night: Your Majesty! *Night falls down into the cookies right before Andromeda takes one for herself.* Andromeda: Heya, short king~ Eclipse :Tiger rock is our bartender, and bloodmoon is our housekeeper. Tiger rock: Nice to meet you. *bloodmoon was super-excited to meet the ultimate bad boy that she scurries over and climbs up on his coat.* bloodmoon: Hello. *laughs* I clean. Hehehehe. *Suddenly the chandelier falls and produces a huge amount of dust which makes everyone cough. KC and Ruin were at the chandelier when knows Ruin did that on purpose.* KC: *Laughs*. Alright, then.Looks like you could use some help From the big boss of the homicide code himself Check out daddy's glowing reviews on Yelp (Five stars! Flawless! Greater than great!) Oh, with the punch of a pentagram I wap-bam-boom, alakazam Usually, I charge a sacrificial lamb But you get the family rate (thanks dad!) Who needs a busboy, now that you've got the chef? (wow) Michelin-tasting menu, free à la carte I'll rig the game for you because I'm the ref Champagne fountains, caviar mountains, that's just a start! Who's been here since day one? Who's been faithful as a nun? Who makes you chuckle with an old-timey pun? Your executive producer? (That's true!) I'm your guy, your day-to-day Your chum, your steadfast hotelier Remember when I fixed that clog today? I was stuck, thank you sir! (Oh you!) I'm truly honored that we've built such a bond (aw) You're like the child that I wish that I had (uh, what?) I care for you, just like a son I spawned (hold on now!) It's a little funny, you could almost call me dad They say, when you're looking for assistance It's smart to pick the path of least resistance Others say, that in your needy hour There's no substitute for pure angelic power! Who just happens to also be your blood! Sadly, there are times a birth parent is a dud They say the family you choose is better (what a bunch of losers) Can you butt out of my song? (Your song? I started this!) I'm singing it, I'll finish it! (Oh, you tacky piece of–).*KC:*Who are you ?..