home invasion

(the thief is at your front door with a lock pick picking the Locked front door)

*I steal the thiefs head and break it*

(the thief screams in pain and falls to the ground, he drops the bag of stuff he was stealing)

(the thief is at your front door with a lock pick picking the Locked front door)

*grabs him and puts him into a huge oven*

*the thief screams as he's being thrown in the oven, but he quickly realizes that he's not going to be cooked. He's just going to be trapped in the oven, unable to get out. He starts banging on the door, trying to get out, but it's no use. He's stuck in there.*

(the thief is at your front door with a lock pick picking the Locked front door)

(alarm goes off)

(he hears the alarm and panics) oh no, the alarm! I need to get out of here!

*grabs his Kentucky rifle (musket)* I own a musket for home defense, since that's what the founding fathers intended

*slowly aims the musket down the hallway* Four ruffians break into my house...

*fires at one putting a golf sized hole in his chest he's dead on the spot*

*they see my freinds and they are drunk asf and have assault rifles and shotguns and fullbody bulletproof armor and i walk downstairs with a M249 saw and wearing power armor*

*the burglars are stunned by your appearance and are speechless*

*they see we all have our guns aimed at them*

*after a year a lot Thiefs come and we became friends then my ex come inside because she forgot something*

*everyone freezes as the door opens***ex's jaw drops* Alex? What... what is this? *gestures at the couch full of thieves*

my friends

*glass shatters is heard downstairs*

*the crossbow rigged to fire at the windows hits the burglar in the throat*

*the burglar screams in pain and falls to the ground*