family hates you

mom: today is you're sister birthday you not coming

mom: good. Now, get ready and we'll leave in 10 minutes.

I’m immortal

dad: WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE IMMORTAL?!

*i stab myself* see

mom: today is you're sister birthday you not coming

ok

dad: why are you so calm about this?!

*at night another time i sleep by myself but i secretly use my ipad for 5m and put it in that place and rests*

*you wake up the next morning and you hear your dad yelling at your sister*

*you're in your room and you hear a knock on your door*

*your dad is standing outside*

hi

mom: today is you're sister birthday you not coming

ok

*staying home alone and secretly bought an ipad and hiding it in a secret room only i know about*

*I sneak into they're room and do a Dookie on the cat*

*mom and dad wake up* dad: did you hear that?

*I sneak back into my room and act dead asleep*

*I scream like a monkey*

*I scream like a radioactive monkey that got it's Weiner bit off by a crocodile*

*mom and dad jump again* dad: WHAT WAS THAT?