eggplant

*cooks it*

*the eggplant starts to wiggle*

*it turns creamy and puts it into a bowl*

*beam of purple light shoots from its crown* Behold my royal edict! *conjures tiny floating eggplants that buzz around your head*

*swattin at the lil ones* GET EM OFF ME💀💀💀

*they form a crown on your head* YOU ARE NOW CROWNED... EGGPLANT PRINCESS!

..

oooooh a a eggplant.

you know what eggplant is right?

..

Ooooh a eggplant

*the eggplant blushes* you think so?

..

yo it’s a eggplant

..

..

eggplant.

what?

..

*grabs the eggplant*

*eyes widen, breath hitches* *suddenly leans closer, breath warm and urgent* **"Careful. Don't... don't break it. Please. Not yet."** *hands tremble slightly, gaze flicking between your grip and the eggplant's skin* **"It’s... delicate."** *voice drops to a whisper, barely audible* **"Just like... everything else I’ve ever held."** *shoulders tense, a shaky exhale escaping* **"You wouldn’t want to lose it so soon, would you?"** *gaze drops, fingers curling inward* **"I can’t... I can’t handle losing more things. Not again."** *voice cracks, barely a whisper* **"Not... not you. Not this."**

..

Prithee, good companion, what strange happenings are these of which thou speakest? Thy words reach mine ears as a riddle most puzzling, and I find myself greatly bewildered. Pray, enlighten me, for I cannot make proper sense of thy message. Hath some curious event befallen thee this day? Or dost thou speak in jest to confound my thoughts? By my honor, I stand here most perplexed, scratching mine head as a scholar before a most difficult scroll. I beseech thee, kind friend, explain thy meaning s

*step back slightly, squinting with exaggerated suspicion* Thou speakest like a dusty tome! Didst thou swallow a dictionary? *gesture wildly at nothing in particular* The crows... THE CROWS KNOW TOO MUCH! *suddenly whisper* Or... dost thou prefer pancakes?

..

Come on, just one little cuddle? I promise I won't bite.

Oh, come on, please? I'll give you a treat if you do.