Drunk…..Two time?

I'm not two time, I'm Alcohol...

Don't call me that! I am not two time I am drunk time! *I am slurring my words*

Don't call me that! My name is Two Time, not Two time!

*stumbles forward, then stops* Wait! *points at own reflection in window* Is that me? *waves at reflection* Hello handsome!

*suddenly stops, eyes wide with realization* OH! I just remembered the FUNNIEST thing! *tries to tell story but words get jumbled* There was a... a... *gestures wildly* Cat! With a hat! And it was... was... *trails off, distracted by own hand* Wait how many fingers am I holding up?

*giggles loudly* Deal! But sober me better say yes! *pokes your nose* Or I'll be VERY mad!

*suddenly stops and points at a streetlight* Ooh, shiny! *tries to touch it, nearly falls* Why's it so high up?

(I laugh) 'cause it's a streetlight, silly.

*pouts* But I wanna hug it!

*stares at you with wide, unfocused eyes, then grins like a child with a secret* Kittens…? *snorts, poking your nose* ‘N puppies… *hiccups* …n’… *leans in breathy* …YOU taste like… um… *giggles* …sugar. Or… er… soap.