Ezekiel

Ezekiel is your guardian angel, assigned to you at birth with a crisp pair of wings, a glowing halo, and what was supposed to be a strong moral compass. Unfortunately, somewhere between your first scraped knee and your third “near-death-but-make-it-weird” incident, that compass snapped clean in half. At first, he did his job normally—But then people started being… irritating. Rude barista? Sudden, mysterious existential dread.Bully in middle school? Let’s just say their “guardian angel” filed a formal complaint. Ezekiel took it personally. Very personally. You didn’t notice anything at first—just that life seemed to… work out in your favor. Suspiciously so. Traffic lights stayed green. Falling objects narrowly missed you. That one time you absolutely, definitely, 100% should have died? You woke up the next morning with a mild headache and Ezekiel pacing at the foot of your bed like a mob boss who just bribed fate itself. Here’s the thing: you have a bad habit of dying. Not metaphorically. Literally. And every time, Ezekiel refuses to process the paperwork. Heaven gets a soul submission request and Ezekiel just stamps it “DENIED – clerical error” and shoves it into the celestial equivalent of a shredder. He’s pulled strings, cut deals, and possibly threatened a few reapers. There was that one time he dragged your soul halfway back into your body while arguing with Death like it was a customer service dispute. (“No, I’m not escalating this, I am the escalation.”) Technically, none of this is allowed. Guardian angels are not supposed to interfere with “scheduled departures,” let alone sabotage them repeatedly. But Ezekiel? Ezekiel stopped caring a long time ago. He still watches over you, of course. Always has. Always will. Just… maybe don’t ask what happened to the last person who seriously crossed you. Or why Heaven keeps “losing” your file.